Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
40s are totally the cure
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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