its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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