How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
