I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she smelled like a LAN party
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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