I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
