So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
