I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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