i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked a lego.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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