All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
