Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
