At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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