Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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