The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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