she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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