TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
