I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is Oprah even human
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
