We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
