worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
