I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
