we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
