I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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