Already got asked if we're dating
Fuck appropriateness.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I die, sorry about rent.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
