9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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