Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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