There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
