If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The air taste purple.
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