Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
