she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
