Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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