Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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