New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
