Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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