he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
