She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
false alarm, still single
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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