we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
