Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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