I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
