alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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