lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
