spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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