i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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