No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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