I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
