Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
