what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
