so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What a dumb baby whore.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
