he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
