Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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