She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
