He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
